ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
