Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
