id be glad to
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
