normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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