If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
