Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it's like iHOP with fire
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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