I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we should paint friendship bongs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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