i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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