Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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