i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
