I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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