Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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