She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
