I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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