MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
