Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
