she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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