It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just had sex bonerless
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Found your dick twin last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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