Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
