i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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