Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
