And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
