Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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