that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
