so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
