she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
