Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
