He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
