Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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