so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
