Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I understand Curling. That high.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
