Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
