just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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