god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
