2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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