A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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