he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
