You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
