So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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