That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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