i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
