He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
