Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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