Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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