Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
