we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
