I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
