so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
