Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
