I'm drive I can fine osifer
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
